Something has been “Gnawing at me now for over…31 Year’s, with 21 years of “Extra Fucking Gnawing……….
This little famous voice always keeping a cool Narration tone in my real deep thought’s…
He has actually help me in more ways than once too… which is really weird, (we met very brief once) on the “Island set”…..xoxoox
The Helpful Voice has been theirs for quite some time too,… from my annual (4) hrs. “Solo Swimming” on the 4th day of July no matter what’s the swim location’s on that Day may be…..the voice is their…….(come on Thomas)…..
To whatever you do, “do not look at the dog’s”, “Hurry up and work the lock’s”, “don’t look at the dog’s”…”rat’s you look at the dog’s”…. the voice is their again…
To include that one day, My Infinity, The Time without end…
Surly is going to come true …..To the exact moment when the end in time is which has no end……physically stand officially here, and I really have to ask:
“Ivan did you see the sun rise”…? (Without the Thomas Voice, but my own)
The Narration voice in my head is a PI whom every one watched and “Love” in the 80’s to this very day, but he (Thomas) and (I) have so much in “real common” ….even if he is the “only one” trap on a Hit’s T.V. show….
From the exact white tropical sandy beaches, (Surfing North shore) to looking at many nice pretty well fitting bikinis swim suits along the shoreline’
To the extra crazy cool (Military) friends and their different individuals backgrounds combine to making the prefect (like to play jokes) “Zombie sick wrecking crew”, like (Rick & TC)...
To “What ever it is you want (Thomas) the answer is “Hell No”…now get the Hell out of my Office….(Those friends I have Too)….”only mines” them “Professional Fuckers” cuss me out quickly before I can even say fucking Hi”…….
To the mystery of Thomas (Wife) Michelle & a very pretty daughter that hunts your every so very often private moment times alone….. Missing them all dearly…. (Which I Do)
Plus add a few nick-n-knack’s in my Naval Short Career for a on the “official record” pay grade E-1 Seaman…. that shall we just keep it clean as”… It’s off in the deep end of the not so normal swimming part of the pool”……
“Now just very recent…. a “Smart” Federal Judge” (he reminds me of the Beaver dad’ on T.V.) Especially when he asks the “Beaver” a straight point question that he figure the “Beaver did something wrong”…which when reply to by the “Beaver” …the Dad has to rub’s his head in serious thought(s)…. I did not expect that answer to come to (light)…… (You can go to your room now “Beaver”…. (I have to really think)
Any way the smart Honorable Judge asks, “What’s or Can you described your anger (Mr. Hamilton)…?
My first reaction was to say “Sir your Honor….this is hard, cus’ lots of cuss comes to my first mind…..
This United States Federal Honorable Judge did (His) “homework”,…. (Thanks) ……& the VAMC Doctor(s)…… all was very fucking wrong,…. which I told them small parts of my crazy life…. and you have no idea what I must continue to live with deep in my “Heart & Duty” or as Ivan stated to (Thomas): you have to deal with silly things like (Honor)….
It’s a Federal United States Honorable Judge whom now opens up “this old personal wound”, and my eyes, and Heart…and I now put ever thing together by just one simple Federal Question…… (You’re Anger)…..
I somewhat learn this & figure later, from the serious “Interrogation” questions I was put (Honorably) under…..I gave his (Questions) on my anger…serious thought’s……even many days later to this very day now…..
The missing Voice then crept in again really fast… asking me who is the women…. (The Female Face that’s been hunting me for a long time now)…. (My Voice…. not Thomas but the same feelings)…….
I could not figure who she was, with nothing but partial showing of her look’s in my mind…. in the deep past to the very recent)…..then bam……..
Now I know who she is…..It’s my “Dead Wife”….bury in a “unmark grave somewhere in Utah… I have no clue where, or what happen to my children….
My Missing Two Daughters “Time Capsule” is now ready to soon open was my next instant reaction, which sure enough its now the almost exact time……to show the “World”……(YouTube) then (Thomas voice will start thinking again)…….or maybe it’s me this time…………..
And (when I left the U.S. Federal courtroom that day)….. (My brother the “Attorney” was present)… (Sitting in the back taking notes watching and learning)……
And he waited for a while to talk to me as we drove away…then he stated first may we talk really soft out of the usually kidding around stuff,
And that when I was working on the “answer to the question” about my (Anger) to the Honorable Court…..My brother stated my “body language” went from “Cool”…to moments later my “Hands were actually in a “imaginary choking hold of some sorts” before the Honorable Court…..(I had not notice)…….
Which my brother described the Honorable Judges Eye’s getting larger, and larger, as I spoke in this Daze on my Anger…...
And his (Thomas) Voice which has been missing for a long sometimes too, then out of know where…..my thought are compare to the “old feelings again” I have compare to the trap (Voice) in a T.V. show….. I like and relate too…..
“My Old actual War wounds physically Hurt’s now”…..
I am walking around talking to a few semi-friends kicking it, “Yet”…all…..(In a daze) ….& my Dad whom I Love so very much comes to visit me but (he) was talking to me and laughing out loud,
But his words would not even penetrate my daze of current legal event’s….
The Biggest PI Pile of “Crap”…..only… (Thomas) and his (Voice)…would actually love….
My Father stated, you are very different,… I am away at sea too much,
Go fucking learns from & with the smartest “White boy” you find…..
And does not worry about being better at it, just “Learn”….Fuck them “Niggers they to dam lazy around here… “Later Travel like me” and see the world”……….
So Dad gone… I am 10…. “White boys are fighting to dam much to Learn from ….especially in my Racial divided town”, and non- of them fuckers really smart around here anyway……
Decisions...decisions…..whom is to be the Smartest (Whiteman) in the Fucking World”……….Da………..”Sherlock Holmes”…..(My Teacher)…….(Dad said the smartest)…...Now Serious legal thoughts that’s are now all pile “officially together”, before an Honorable Court of Law in one Hell of a Messy Federal Civil Action…..(Among many crazy others)…
I have been through more than enough in the crazy past…and the “Key to it all…..my special friend in the building with the (5) sides stated….put all your eggs now in the “old iron skillet”……set the flames on “super high”…. and fry the shit out of them all…..till they are Crispy Burnt Extra Hard….. (No more worries)…….you will do fine………
I have maybe been in favor with the “Keys to Pearl Harbor”, (Once)…. and if so…..“Why me”… I do not know, it has to be a dreamy curse…. E-fucking 1 with the Keys…..?
….But I do know this (lately) nothing else matters until I confront the un-mark (Grave) and put a past dead “Wife” in the “right grave”,… get a few legal points straighten for fucking (Slavery)…and the more I think,….
The (Voice) is all way right……..
I also have to some way “legally” confront (Ivan) the “Killer” and ask him the question…. Did You See the Sun Rise....?
Only before an Honorable Court of Law…………………..
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